Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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