did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
