i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
