finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
