Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
