Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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