OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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