Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
