I bet he comes in French.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
