he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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