So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
