The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
