the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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