New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
