Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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