I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
