I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
