these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
