I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
