I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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