Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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