What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
