That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
