I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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