hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
