I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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