I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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