When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I deserve this hangover.
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