I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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