I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
