I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
