Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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