Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
