two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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