I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
