I think I died a long time ago.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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