I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize