Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
