Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
