Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
