Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
