the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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