I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
