Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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