she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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