I didn't shave. On purpose
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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