there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
