I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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