I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
