Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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