Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
