yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
