I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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