shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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