i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
