i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Michael Bay diarrhea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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