just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
